Single, Happy and Whole
29th September 18

I don’t often tend to talk about my relationship status on my blog. It’s something which I’ve always felt relatively private about when it comes to both sharing that sort of information both online and offline. (Ironically, it took going through a breakup and becoming single for the first time in three years for me to assess why I’d always felt so inclined to keep my relationship so private, but that’s for an entirely new blog post).


Since becoming single earlier on this year, my attitude towards a lot of things has changed, most importantly, the way that I perceive myself and my own capabilities. Since going through my breakup, I’ve felt wildly happier than I can remember feeling in the longest time, and I’ve had a lot of time to spend reconnecting with myself and with my friends. In the past few months, I feel like I’ve gained a part of me back which I lost without realising that I had when I was in a relationship. I’ve started to feel like myself again.


When you’re with another person, whether consciously or not, it’s easy to feel like you are compromising one part of a whole. So, in other words, when you’re alone, you’re not a whole person at all. You’re not somebody who can function solo. I know that not everybody in a relationship feels that way and this is very much reflective of the type of relationship which I found myself in. But it took me a while to realise that viewing yourself in that way and living your life for your ‘other half’ and not for yourself can become quite an unhealthy path to walk down.


Before getting into my last relationship (which is the longest relationship I’ve had to date), I was so unbelievably unhappy being single. All I wanted from life was someone to share it with. Someone who would offer me affection and who I could spend a Saturday night at home with without having to get dolled up. And that’s what I got. And for a time, that did make me happy. But with all things in life, relationships are a balancing act, and if the scales tip too far you’ll end up being unhappy again. I got companionship, but I had to sacrifice a big part of myself and my own wants for that. I got those Saturday nights in, but I ended up sacrificing the freedom and excitement that your twenties should be filled with.


This time around, singlehood feels slightly different to me. I’m not the sad and lonely girl pining over any and every boy (I know how cringe that sounds and believe me when I say that transitioning away from that stage of my life has been liberating). I never understood until now the sheer happiness that can come from being single and entirely your own. Single people are always painted as half of themselves, waiting on their other half. But I am a whole. I am happy and whole.


Not only have I fallen in love with myself a little more since becoming single, I’ve fallen in love with my friends too. When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy for your friends to become a second priority. This isn’t something that I ever did consciously, but I’m sure that it’s something which I did accidentally do throughout my three years of being with another person. I can’t even explain how grateful I feel to the friends who stuck with me throughout it, helped to pick up the pieces when I went through my immediate breakup and then become my support system of people to laugh and experience life with in all of the free moments which I suddenly acquired after becoming single. This year, I fell wildly in love with my friends, everything they stand for and the person that they allow me to be.


This isn’t some sob story about a relationship that went wrong, and I don’t want to come across this way. However, three years is a long time to be with a person and for me, I started to realise that self-love and working on myself needed to become a priority. 2018 has been a year which I have self-titled as the year of falling in love with myself, and honestly, that’s exactly what it has been.


Since going through my biggest break up earlier this year, I’ve learnt more about myself than I ever thought possible, and more than I possibly could have learnt had I stayed in a relationship. I’ve figured out who I am. Myself entirely. Not a version of me who is propped up by the expectations of another person, but just me.