18th February 18

One of the main goals which I set for myself at the start of 2018 was that this year, I wanted to spend more time writing, both for myself and for my blog. Now, I know we’re only a month and a half into the year, but I already feel like I’m failing greatly at this goal. And it’s getting me down a little bit. When I think back to why I started blogging 6 years ago, it was because I had too many thoughts bubbling up in my brain which I needed to get written down somewhere, even if nobody was going to read them. It was never about having the most aesthetically pleasing photos or writing on topics which were current, and which everyone else was writing about. So why am I pressuring myself into moving my blog this way now?


I usually hate writing posts about blogging. It feels really mundane to me and like there are so many other things which I could be talking about here. But when I don’t know what to do about a situation, I write about it in order to gather my thoughts, so I figured, why not?


I started blogging in 2012, and I started this blog in 2014. Throughout the years, my style and the things which I’ve liked to write about have been ever-changing. I tried my hand at clothing hauls, posting over saturated photos of cardigans and jeans I’d bought from Primark. I tried makeup and skincare reviews before realising that beauty blogging really wasn’t my bag. I had a phase where all I wanted to write about was travel and my posts were super photography heavy. Then, over recent years, I started to really find my groove when it came to writing on mental health, wellbeing and self improvement, and here is where I found my own little niche that I’ve really enjoyed sticking to.


And having a niche is great. I’ve always said that having a wellbeing blog is like your own personal therapy. It’s a topic which I feel is so me that I don’t even really have to plan out my content. I can just pull out my laptop and start writing about anything and everything which comes into my mind. This approach to blogging has served me well for the last couple of years and I’ve found that it’s made me so much happier than any of the content which I was previously trying to force out. Writing about fashion and beauty is great if that’s your niche and what you’re most passionate about – it’s content which I love reading – but writing it wasn’t for me. It didn’t provide me with the same motivation that I’ve found in other topics.


However, I’ve found my hurdles in other places. Blogging and writing are two hobbies which I would one day like to see as more than just that. I’d like them to become full time jobs which I can depend on for a steady income. But there seems to be this huge divide between the type of blogging that I enjoy and want to spend my time on, and the type of blogging that I can make an income from.


It feels like, in order to succeed in the world of blogging, there’s this intense pressure to create a certain type of content, and it’s the same content that a lot of other people are making. So instead of allowing my thoughts to guide me and injecting as much creativity as I can into my blog at the moment, I’ve noticed myself trying to follow trends to get noticed, and losing my motivation in the process.


I feel like I’m getting so caught up in the idea of having amazing photos shot on an Olympus Pen, a perfectly curated Instagram feed which follows a specific colour scheme and a new outfit on every single day, that I’m losing sight of the reasons why I started blogging in the first place: to write. To vent. To offer people those ‘oh my god, I feel that way too’ moments. That’s what I want from my blog, and that’s what I so desperately want to get back to. But I don’t know how to.


Being a blogger feels so much different to how it did when I first started out. Maybe that’s partly due to my growing awareness of the industry, or maybe it’s the industry itself which is changing. And I don’t want this to become an ‘anti-blogging’ post, because I’ve always felt very protective and accepted in this world, but it is hard not to feel disenfranchised by an industry which seems to favour following trends more than new ideas. It’s pushed me into this vicious cycle where I constantly feel like the content which I’m producing isn’t good enough. There’s almost this unwritten rule where if you’re creating something which doesn’t fit in with what everyone else is creating, it’s not good. And so I’m stuck between feeling rubbish about the content which I’m creating because it doesn’t fit in, or choosing to fit in but feeling unauthentic.


So this is where I am at the moment – pretty uninspired by the content I’m creating and unsure how to get my creative spark back. It should be just as easy as going back to writing the content which I used to write, but for some reason it doesn’t feel as simple as that. Blogging is a balancing act between creating what you want to create, and learning how to fit that in to current trends, but I’m not sure that I want to fit in anymore. I want to find my creativity again, and to do that I’m going to need to make some changes. I need to stop focusing on what I think other people want me to create, and try to go back to doing it for myself. Not all those who blog are lost, but at the moment, I definitely am.